|It looks innocent enough doesn’t it. . .?|
Just back from Paris and a Lipomassage seance.
If ever I had a doubt about the adage, “one must suffer to be beautiful,” let me simply say I confirmed the veracity of the cliche an hour ago.
What is Lipomassage you’re probably wondering. Let me tell you: It’s a form of paid torture, but I was the onepaying for it. Why do women submit themselves to this you might well ask.
It’s because the vast majority of us have cellulite and tend to retain water and, as we all know, the two do not blend smoothly together, but ensemble one floats upon the other giving us that “orange peel” texture we despise, particularly in swimsuit season.
|If this woman is sleeping during her Lipomassage treatment she has been completely anesthetized.|
These sessions are referred to as “massages” but I can tell you if this is someone’s idea of a message they should be locked up.
Never does a hand touch the body, instead a physical therapist (operative words, “physical therapist” which translates into “medical act” in France) manipulates the machine pictured here. You could think, spying what appears to be a perfectly good surface for a massage, that the equipment hanging over it might be something new and pleasant. New it is. Pleasant it is not. With varying degrees of force behind the pressure, the therapist kneads the body.
|Look! No cellulite!|
If you’re thinking, “that’s not dramatic,” let me enlighten you. The thing sucks the skin like an industrial vacuum cleaner on steroids accompanied by a mechanism that simultaneously pinches the skin. The rhythm goes something like this: pinch, suck; suck, pinch; pinch, pinch, pinch and then suck, suck, suck, pinch. And, here’s the best part, the machine has several speeds or frequencies or delta forces, whatever.
What many, many, many of these appointments are supposed to produce is not weight loss — we are cautioned not to even dream about that — but rather a contoured body with, if not no cellulite, considerably less. The draining effects probably result in a lower number on the scale, but that does not signify real weight loss.
I’ll keep you au courant. Next week I have two more appointments because, quelle surprise (!), they must be bunched together for maximum benefits.