Never before have I been absent from this space for so long without the slightest explanation. First, let me thank you and at the same time apologize to you for worrying about me.
I was trying to figure out a way to explain my not writing for so many days, trying to explain in a light and breezy way, but it’s clear that’s not going to happen.
That’s why it has taken me so long to finally return. In fact, it’s even difficult for me to understand because this general feeling of malaise that has swept over me is entirely out of character.
I’m home now and I feel a sense of unease and skittishness, maybe fear, I’m not sure really, but I truly have the sensation that something has changed in a profound way in France. Everyone I meet seems subdued. The holiday decorations glitter and gleam, but they seem somehow irrelevant. The mid-term elections have many frustrated citizens, we are told, turning to the far right out of fear and anger rather than conviction.
At the same time I’m wondering where do I really want to live now, which side of the ocean. I’ve never been torn to this extent before.
Like all of us my life is complicated in many ways I never discuss in this space, but fundamentally all is well.
Recounting this to you seems profoundly boring and trivial as it applies to me, but it’s the only explanation I have for my long hiatus.
I have resolutely decided to get into the spirit of the season which is above all else hope and love. I think we must be fervently devoted to those aspirations despite the powers working against us.
I’ve started decorating with white poinsettia plants all over the house, wreaths on the doors and the tree, yet to be decorated. It’s a start, and sometimes I think we have to throw ourselves into hope and happiness, make it happen — be proactive if you will.
Now, on Monday I will tell you the gift I have already started giving all of my friends for Christmas. I know you’ll understand why.