It’s not as if I haven’t tried, really tried, to deal with, ameliorate and change some of my deeply ingrained behaviours, which, let’s be honest, are character flaws.
Recently I feared I might have irrevocably changed one of the most precious friendships I have ever had.
Because of a combination of one of my worst habits, procrastination, combined with a perfectly honest mistake, though admittedly stupid, I was inconsiderate of my friend’s generous invitation to visit her.
With great excitement and anticipation, we had been planning our time together for a couple of months.
I didn’t make a final confirmation of my arrival chez elle. I won’t bore you with the details, but let me assure you that the result was that I was inconsiderate and impolite to someone who is dear to me.
It wasn’t my intention, but there is no denying the perception and the reality of my action and inaction.
My friend is a highly accomplished woman, famous in her field, who is often beyond busy and her life is well organized because for her to achieve everything she does she has no choice.
Realizing what I had done, I apologized profusely.
She wrote back to me saying, that she thought it was simply “common curtesy” to tell her specifically when or if I would be visiting.
In every way she was right and I was wrong.
After her email I feared for our friendship and wrote her again, apologizing and telling her of my concern.
This is what she wrote back: “I’m over it–once I let it out! I love you, have long loved you and will continue to love you. What’s more, just as you are well aware of my many faults, I know procrastinating is one of yours. (Sorry, but true.) xoxox”
Actually, I am unaware of any of her faults and we have been friends for more decades that either of us admits publicly.
I’m confessing this giant faux pas for two reasons:
1.) I hope this public admission will help me realize, even at this late date (old dogs, new tricks, etc. . .), that procrastination is debilitating on one level and dangerous on others. At the very least it can prevent one from accomplishing dreams and goals, and taken to its extreme it could have even more depressing consequences.
2.) I do not know how to “let things go.” I’m not talking about grudges, they’re a waste of time, but rather when I have done something I consider “wrong” I simply cannot stop flailing myself over the whys and hows.
My friend, as you can see, says once she expresses how she feels she moves on and forgets about it. I don’t know how to do that. Do you? And, if you do, how do you do it?
I would really like to learn another new trick.